Entry #11 [Hometown]

Entry #11. Today is a rest day. I am trying to test my hypothesis: that the “psychosis” events that I have been experiencing are, in actuality, memories. Since I cannot be too sure, I have been taking time off of exploring universes.

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More time on my hands means more time to think and mull over things that I know, possibilities and questions. I have also learned from experience that it is not a good idea to sit there thinking all day, as you may also experience psychosis episodes. The human mind is really too fragile. 

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A little thinking is important, however. Since I was thinking, I tried thinking from the perspective of the readers of this site. It proved to be a formidable challenge, as I am not as… sentimental, shall we say, as you all are. However, I believe a poignant question my readers may be wondering is this: why do you not go back to your original universe? Aren’t there clues there for you? Wouldn’t you have an easier time finding out what happened and searching for the creature from the place where it actually took place? 

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If you find that you were not asking these questions, then you do not have a critical mind. Cyno [Streamer] often tells me not to insult her fanbase, but this is not an insult. It is an observation. If you get offended, you are frankly too sensitive. That was an observation as well. I am getting sidetracked today. A side effect of thinking.

The answer to the question is this: I simply do not know which universe is mine. When I created my supercomputer, it gained the ability to research and note down different universes. It gave each universe a number, even the ones I had not visited yet, and mapped out how to reach that universe from this place. It did not do any in depth searching or surveying: that is what I have been doing thus far. 

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Furthermore, there is a chance, quite slight, that I have or I will visit my own universe. But even if I did, I do not currently have enough memories to recognize what my own universe even looks like. That is assuming that I even find the planet or area I inhabited. Without a Cyno producing her energy, I would find it hard to track where everything happened.

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In fact, I’m not sure that I would remember where my universe is even if I did have all my memories back. I feel as though I have been collecting my memories like… like cards. I own them, I can mull them over in my mind, I can replay them, see them, feel them. But yet, they are not a part of me. They are something wholly different. I have not thought about this before, but there is a possibility that even after all my memories come back, assuming they will, my emotions won’t. I always assumed that both of them were burned away when I was uploaded, but I thought that if the memories could return, perhaps the emotions could too.

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Never mind. Perhaps it is better that they do not return. After all, emotions cloud judgement.

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I will take the rest of today off, and will return to exploring universes shortly.

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